Leanne's Blog Space

Trust as per Wikipedia is a relationship of reliance. Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown.

In my dictionary, trust is something a person can choose to have it. You can choose to trust or not that somebody. If you have choosen to trust in it, and later to suspect, this is not the other party's fault but your fault. Human beings like to put the blame on another person but not themselves. I don't know why.

Starting a relationship it means that you trust your partner. You trust him/her on everything, that's the only reason to start a relationship. I mean there are some fools who starts their relationship because of loneliness. I have friends like that. So I'm not surprise. This is another story. Back to my main topic, trust. Being with someone it means you've putted your trust on him/her. But how can the trust be there if suspicion is also there?

Trust tags along with many words. However, one of it in realtionship wise is 'CARE'. When you trust that person, automatically you'll care.. But will the care still be there if the trust is not there? I presume no. If so, I really want to know what is the point on holding something that you have no trust? As it was being said, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was & always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with".

*If you are reading this and feels the fire, I think you are not a stupid person to understand what it's written in here. Not unless your english is weaker than I thought. Like I've said, it's your choice. You ahve the rights to choose what you want to do. But bare in mind whatever decision you have made, whatever the results will be, don't regret crying over the spilt milk. That's all the advice I will say.*

OMG!!! I cannot believe I'm doing this.. I'm working at Royale Bintang being a Guest Service Assistant (GSA) but I've to go through HSK for cross exposure before I start my real job at F/O... Unbelievable I'm back doing bed making again.. Tired like shit!!! The moment I reach home, I'll check my FB and boom.. I'll be sleeping like a pig..

However, I've some benefit on doing this cross training.. I've learnt about the 6 difference rooms there is in Royale Bintang, what they have in those different types of rooms and the facilities.. I can't really remember all, but more or less, I know what they have inside.. Bed making in Royale Bintang is not as easy as in Sunway.. They have 3 layers.. However, the job here is much more lighter compared to in Sunway.. The kakaks here are very helpful.. They really teach you as if you are their permenant in HSK..

Unfortunately, I still miss Sunway.. I really wish I can go back to Sunway.. But there are many things there which is stopping me from going back.. First of all is the complication of the replationship wise.. I know it has nothing to do with me especially I have Joey, Sayang & Sly here to support me.. But more or less, those 8 po people in Sunway really make me beh tahan them.. Moreover, some people in Sunway also very lanci especially those who have been just promoted.. Say hi to them like saying hi to a wall.. Especially a dirty bastard whose surname is Tai.. He nothing but a jerk.. Only knwo how to act innocent.. Fuck it la.. Haha...

Still considering how I want to react if Sunway really call me up for the medical check up.. Should I go or should I reject???

It's been months since that day.. I've told myself to let go and I'm still telling myself to let go until now.. Why can't I just fucking let you go??? Many ways I've used to get you fucking out of my life.. But if never seem to work.. Can say I'm weak ba... Whenever I've let you out a bit, the very moment I hear you have something on, I'm back once more.. How longwill this take me to let you go?

Knowing Sayang is the best thing of my life.. He made me stressless I should say.. However, that doesn't make him my lover.. My own bf has been stealed away by someone else, I don't want to be that person stealing other people's lover. I'm not that bitchy afterall.. Or not so complicated..

Do you know because of you, I've caused Sayang into troubled? I know it's not your fault but mine. However if the main reason wasn't you, I wouldn't have needed to do this. I've been telling you Sayang, Sayang and Sayang.. Even putted Sayang's picture on my phone & iTouch just for you to see. But all this was to draw my attention away from you. No more looking at you, no more thinking about you..

Today, when I read back all of our previous message from YahooMail to friendster messages from you when we first know each other, to our sms since you have my number till the day we broke up, & the messages in facebook that we had our conversation, I'm sorry to say I've broke down again.. My mind ran back to your memories.. I mean back to our memories from the day I saw you in Rainforest till that day mrning your message came to me asking for break up..

And now, I'm no longer in your heart cause my place which used to be in your heart has been taken over by some other girls.. This hurts me very much.. But what can I do? You are not mine from the start. It was a mistake knowing you and being together.. I really hope you do see who is the one who really loves you till now.. Till this very moment when you are in shit, when your sister needed help, who is the one willingly to help? I could have said no.. It's your sister not mine.. I have no connection with you at all.. Why should I be helping? When you are down writting all those things on your shout out, I'm worried.. I wanted to know what is happening.. But I have no rights to know now cause you are no longer mine.. You belong to someone else now..

I'm eally looking forward and praying everyday for you to return one day.. I dono how long will I need to wait.. A year? Centuries? Or never will I get you back, I don't know. But I'm praying and will always be praying till the day you come back to me.. I really miss you..

In life, there are some memories we want to keep it forever, however there are some which is not that happy that we would want to forget. The question is how can one forget or I should put it "How Can One Let Go of the Memory He/She Doesn't Want?"

Does it involve mask? Hiding your true self when it come to facing that problem?
or
Allowing yourself to continue getting hurt for the time being till one day (don't know when it'll come)?
or
Just say what you feel without caring about the other party's feeling (burden/stress)?

The main question of mine is also related to "Do you prefer to hurt yourself or to hurt someone you love?" How can this be answered?
Stingy people who cares for themselves will answer they are the most important thing. However, for those who is caring (I doubt so whomever out there is like that) will choose to sacrifies themself.

Relates back to my previous post, "Life", we are full of choices to make everyday. If you were to let go, you have this kind of ending. However, what if you choose the other one? No one will ever know the answer because each one of us has different life and we live our life differently from another person. So the experiences that we are going through daily is different. So the other road that is not chosen is something where one can fantasize however they like and regret on this very road that they have choosen and is walking on currently..

Another point where one can lose an unwanted memory purposely and it can be accidently is through serious accident that involves brain. Lost of memory would be the best because those memories will not haunt you and you can totally start a brand new life.. The 3 suggestions that I have mentioned will never work for the rest of your life, as long as you live.. Memories can never be erase.. Time cannot be turned back.. Mistakes cannot be undone.. Water that has been poured away can never be collected back..